Cause of Separation Anxiety
My 18 month-old son suddenly developed
intense separation anxiety from mother...
Anxiety Question:
How normal is it for my 18 month-old son to suddenly develop intense separation anxiety from mother, even when left with very familiar relatives (including father), even when he can see mom simply stepping away a moment?
He has exhibited separation anxiety before, but not this intensely nor so frequently. He has been in the same daycare, with the same teachers since two months old. Other routines are also fairly similar; except a second job which does not allow me to see him Friday night and part of Sunday (but he is with his dad).
This past weekend, I worked Saturday too. Could this be enough to explain the separation anxiety? Or should I look into other possible reasons to try to fix things?
Anxiety Answer:
Without knowing your child, but reading your question alone, he sounds absolutely normal! Many people are unaware that separation anxiety happens in two stages. The first bout of separation anxiety typically occurs around 5-8 months of age, the second occurs between 15-18 months of age. It is even normal for the second bout to occur all the way up to the age of 2.5 years old.
Can you believe that? Children always keep us on our toes!
Many times, the separation anxiety that occurs from 15-18 months and up is worse than the first bout because this is the age that children begin to tantrum.
Life must be very scary for a little person. Nothing is certain, and our fast paced adult lives only make things worse sometimes. If you have no reason to question the actions of his caretakers or his environment, then realize that this is only a stage and your baby will eventually grow out of it.
The best way to handle separation anxiety is to not make any big fuss. Be firm, confident, and loving in your speech with him before you leave. Let him see you go. It is best to give him a big hug and kiss, look him directly in the eyes, and say, "Mommy is going bye-bye. I love you, and I will be back for you soon." Then kiss him, and go. When you return, say something like, "Mommy's back! I told you it would be soon or in x days, minutes, hours. Did you have fun with XYZ?!?"
When he cries as you are leaving, remain confident yet loving. Don't give him sad faces, because our babies take their cues from us. He will think there is a reason to be sad. In everything you do, exude confidence and love and make the departure stage very short.
It is best not to try and coddle him and linger, as you will only strengthen his anxiety, but it is always good to tell him that you will miss him when you are gone and will think about him every minute until you return, because that is the truth!
Separation anxiety is healthy, and your son sounds like he is going through a normal second bout of it.
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